Have had a couple of gigs lately which have made a small amount of music fill a very large space of time.

Quartet job at John Lewis's featured a 2 hour break and a 3 course meal, which was nice; and a concert in Wells had a 30 minute interval. That seemed a little pointless.

Well - I suppose that's back to school then...

The music room at today's school has been turned into a special needs teaching room. The piano has gone, and so has the music that Sam left in there last term.

Jade and Zakk had forgotten their cellos, or at least their mother had brought the cellos into school for them later, but we couldn't find them anywhere in the school. They turned up eventually, under the deputy head's desk.

Jade had forgotten which hand to hold the cello in, and Zakk couldn't remember how to unzip the case.

"So, boys and girls! What kept us all together during that piece"
"Was it, um, Scottish?"
"Well - the answer I was looking for was actually 'rhythm'"

Yes - it's live music concerts time again. Rebecca and I are exploring the pub lunches of South Gloucestershire, and trying to ignore the other half of the quartet. Bob has arranged 'Summer Holiday'. Sort of. How can you have grown up in the 50's and not ever actually heard anything by Cliff Richard? He takes the tunes and puts in his own harmonies. Doesn't half baffle the punters!

I'm not really keen on all that 'jingoism' as they call it. Y'know, flag waving and the like. However, it occurred to me during the last verse of Rule Britannia on Saturday that if it wasn't for the flag wavers and picnickers my income would be considerably lower.

Helen had put away the washing when pissed the other week. Before she left for the concert, she had a quick rumage in her drawer and pulled out her black concert stuff. Only it wasn't. It was her son's pyjamas. They are basically black, but with a very loud South Park cartoon about Attention Deficit Disorder on the front of the T shirt top. It was fine when she put the top on back to front - so long as someone was behind her at all times.

Well - I think it's all coming together.

The massed primary school strings just about fitted on the stage, no room to bow, but still. And apparently were making a reasonable racket. All I could hear was my own playing - which is nice! Very hot and crowded.

The exam rehearsal venue is sorted (I think), and all the parents have been phoned to check that the information got home rather than getting stuck in the bottom of music cases. Mostly it had got home. In Austin's case I had to deal with Step Grandad who lives miles away, and deal with all sorts of complicated logistics in getting Austin to the exam, due to all sorts of family problems that I can't begin to comprehend. Anyway - the school nurse, step granddad and I are dealing with it.

OK - this should get in before midnight - will post more soon!

Rehearsal with 100 ish small violinists for the big concert tomorrow. Why did I agree to be in charge? By the time I've tuned the 100th violin, the 1st few will have been experimenting with tuning pegs and will doubtless have their strings hanging in loops. Not to mention the elaborate plaits and light sabres that can be achieved with bows. Star Wars has a lot to answer for.

Actually - year 6 at school no 2 today did me a nervewracking sword dance today, over a couple of crossed bows.

"Ooh Alice - careful! Mind that.... Ooh - watch where your foot's landing Daisy. That bow cost.... oh"

It was the Year 2 Music Day at school no 3 today, and the theme was seaside apparently. Always good to see a music adviser dressed as a pirate and singing to a tambourine.

Sports day practice at school no 4. I can't come to violins miss, cos I'm supposed to be doing the running.

5 minutes later

It's a bit hot out there miss - I don't like the running, can I do violins instead?

Miss. I can't do my bow, my hands are all sweaty.

I don't understand how certain people can routinely be over an hour late for rehearsals.

Saturday

For some reason, all the incompetencies of my Saturday morning group just made me laugh today. 3rd violins were struggling with the concept of off beat notes and on beat rests.

Evening was an outdoor concert at Langford. The professional picnic-ers were out in force with tables, windbreaks, gazebos and lovingly prepared salads. No such provision had been made for the orchestra, although there was a table where we could buy a cup of coffee.

Started off with the sun shining directly in my eyes. Fortunately this soon turned to cloud, rain, and a serious challenge for the clothes pegs holding the music onto the stand.

Friday

Well - the roads were very quiet during the England v Brazil match, whilst I was driving to school no 1. Somehow, I thought I wouldn't see many pupils in the first couple of hours, and as I opened the car door & heard the racket coming from the school hall, my suspicions were confirmed. Hundreds of children were sounding just like football hooligans as England slid out of the competition. I braved the shouting for a while, and then sat with tea, biscuits and a book in the staff room. Eventually the flute teacher joined me, and after the match we just lumped all violins and flutes together to play a couple of tunes. Nice easy start to the day.

Well, an e-mail explaining the dilemma to the local conductor has solved my problem. "Oh bother! Of course you must take the ESO work. It won't compromise your position with us..." That's a relief. The answer I wanted - and by honest means as well.

Chelsea came to tell me she was quitting violin. Well, I made her come and tell me - I'm not having these second hand "Chelsea's quit miss" rumours. Turns out that the neighbours were complaining that her practice was waking their baby. WHAT??? Eventually we worked out that if she practised in the spare room, she wouldn't wake anyone and could carry on. Jack can't buy his violin book - his mum's going on holiday instead.

Today's moral and ethical dilemma:-

Which to do... The gig that's been in the diary for ages leading the violas in the good local amateur orchestra and sharing a stage with the Swingle singers, which I morally shouldn't back out of

or

the just come in gig with the pro orchestra whose extras list I've only just joined and whom, selfishly, I don't want to turn down?

Clarice (grimacing)... "But, miss - I don't understand why that violin costs so much - I mean - it's.... OLD"

"Well yes - I know. It's like an antique - people pay a lot for antiques too"

"But like really old"

"Yes Clarice - about 250 years old"

"URGH! That's disgusting! Think of all the dead people who've played that! EEEUUUURRRGH!"

I suppose I'd never really thought of it like that.

"But miss - I don't know that note"

"Yes you do Jade - just think for a minute. What's that note there?"

"D"

"OK - so this one is one note higher isn't it? Can you see how it's higher up on the stave? Well then - what comes after D?"

"A"

"Well - not quite. What comes straight after D? What comes after D in the alphabet?"

(pause)

(big smile of recognition)

"FAST!"

Skills required for the peripatetic lifestyle....

1. Diploma in advanced parking.
School car parks today looked as though (to quote Bill Bryson in his Europe book) I'd just missed a parking competition for the blind. The abilty to reverse in and out of small, odd shaped spaces across grass and pavements is essential to the quick getaways needed with 10 minutes between schools.

2. Immunity to bad smells
Dear me - Kathy let off a stinker this morning. I could hear the phrrrrup, and hoped that the noise would be worse than the smell. It wasn't.

3. Slow, patient driving
Yes, as well as the fast, efficient driving, there is the driving out of school gates at the end of the day technique, where parents and small children are totally oblivious of large motorised objects.

Lots of extra kids at my after school group today. All in preparation for the big concert at the end of the month. Of course, it coincided with the school hall being out of action and the music co-ordinator swearing blind that he didn't know it was happening today. Still, we crammed them all into a classroom and watched the sweat drip off them for an hour. They still refused to take their jumpers and fleeces off.

Saturday

Turned up at Hagley Hall in plenty of time for the rehearsal, and followed other cars around until we gave up trying to find the 'right' car park and settled for the field nearest the exit to enable a quick getaway at the end.

Lots of extras in the band, including some familiar faces, as well as a choir of 300 primary school children, and their barking teacher, Jasper Carrott, Josie Lawrence and Becky Taylor, who is apparently the 'new' Charlotte Church. She looked very sweet with her shiny hair and Claire's Accessories type outfit, and apparently she could be heard perfectly through the speakers. I have no idea what she sounded like though - couldn't hear her from the 3rd desk of the violas.

The audience arrived nice and early and set up amazing picnic tables, hampers, deckchairs etc, and waved their union jacks throughout the proceedings. I think they were bored by the 'real' music though. Mendelssohn's Hebrides overture was a fine excuse for a loo stop and a natter. Mind you - I can see their point to a certain extent.

Jasper Carrott (who does seem to be actually, positively involved with the charity for the concert) told lots of anti Danish football, curry and bacon jokes. I thought he was quite a laugh, although my mother ( who was there for the first half only) was disgusted by his bad language in front of the children. I don't think it helped when I pointed out that children that age use far stronger language in my presence.

So - we didn't get to rehearse 3 of the pieces at all, and there was a somewhat unexpected rendition of the national anthem at the start. Other than that - a nice introduction to the ESO, and I was home before midnight.

Year 6 at school number one were out at some cricket coaching thing this morning, but there were a couple of half chocolate biscuits in the staff room biscuit tin, so my time wasn't in vain.

I'm typing to the combined background noise of the second CD I've burned, and the ever loudening police helicopter. It's been hovering for ages. Usually I just want it to shut up. Today, I'd like it to do its job and catch somebody (then wrench the viola out of their arms and..... ah - dream on....)

The phone was going non stop this evening, from the moment I got in, until about 9.45pm. Is it something in the weather that makes people suddenly want to use their phones a lot and call my number? Mrs Mu, with her limited command of English was one of the callers. She wants me to start teaching her daughter again because they're not happy that she 'only get an hour with Mr Smit at school'. Mr Smith is a far more experienced teacher than me, but she is one of those who 'always remembers her first teacher' in a wistful sort of way. Which is very flattering, but I don't think I have the energy to deal with Mrs Mu each week again.

Finally got around to finding my way around the borrowed viola before tomorrow's ESO gig. It's quite easy to play really - smaller than mine - but with less 'personality'. Ah well. So long as I manage to bluff my way around all those notes I haven't seen yet!

That squirrel was asleep in my window box when I got up this morning.

There's a notice on the harpsichord at one school which says 'PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH HEAD OF MUSIC'. I can't help feeling there should be some punctuation in that. Anyway, the head of music didn't appear to be in, so all the doors were locked.

School number 3 were having a 1950's, Coronation Day. The Jehovah's Witnesses kids weren't in as a result. I can't remember if it's to do with not celebrating anniversaries, or not celebrating royalty. Anyway - all the gym equipment had been moved from the hall into the music room, which made it a little tricky to fit in groups of seven, overexcited children. I did threaten to give them a 50's style lesson, where they played studies and showed me a bit of respect. They didn't go for it though. The fancy dress theme was 1950s as well. Sabrina was dressed as a Spanish Flamenco dancer.

There was a squirrel in my garden this evening. It made Hilary's lesson a lot more fun for me. I could look out of the window whilst making helpful remarks about her tone and intonation, and watch the amazing agility of this creature leaping and climbing around my tree and fence.

My living room always smells interesting on Wednesday evenings - I have a small skateboarding vegetarian with halitosis, followed by a grown up who smokes far too many per day. Still - on the flip side - all my Wednesday private pupils pay in cash, which sort of makes up for it.

"Didn't the office tell you? You've got a new violin and two new cellos starting today - except one of the cellos is off with measles"

OK - well there goes the trip to the violin shop to carry on the replacement of things in the stolen case.

A year three violinist who, sadly knows all the details of why her dad is a b'**d, and exactly how much maintenance he's supposed to pay, and what happens when he doesn't. Whatever happened to innocent childhoods?

And then Zak, who looked shellshocked throughout the experience. He didn't know what a cello was when he volunteered to learn one. He thought it was something you blow down, and he certainly wasn't expecting something almost as tall as himself.

I found Kylie sitting on the floor outside my room crying. And this was after her lesson. OK - I'd been a bit exasperated, but not that bad.

"S'not you miss. I'm meant to be in PE but some girls looked at me funny, and it's my fault but it's doing my head in"

Well - as one who spent most PE lessons lurking in a music department I had to take pity on her really. Tried for a while to get to the bottom of the problem in a sympathetic manner, but no luck there - probably because I'm old and I can't possibly understand hormones or being 15. So, she did a mock exam for Austin, who has his grade one in a few weeks. Very generous marker she was too - if he really gets a distinction like that I'll be ever so pleased.

Don't know where she went when she was supposed to be in French.

And no - I have no idea why 'posting is temporarily disabled' in the comments box. It's annoying, but no more annoying than people who won't answer the phone.

It's true what they say about helpdesks and call centres and helplines isn't it? I'm currently on hold with Blueyonder (who up to now have been very good) to get them to come and install me a new modem and link it up to my new computer. Clearly no-one has asked them to do this before, because it has them totally baffled. Until 5 minutes ago, I was being passed from Customer Service, to Technical Support, to Sales, to Customer Service to..... well - you see the problem. Eventually I tried bursting into tears at a sales consultant when she told me that they couldn't sell me a new modem because the screen said I already had one. So now, she's agreed not to pass me round anymore departments and just play the Flower Duet to me, with a boom-tishy backing track.

I still need to phone so many more people - it looks as though there will be a good ol' tacky 'sad story' feature in the local rag to try & recover my instruments. Anyone for a reward and some eternal gratitude??

Yesterday was the first day of half term (goodness how we needed it), so, predictably, I woke up with a throat feeling like sandpaper, and a steady stream of - hmm well never mind - from my nose.

It's been nice and warm here lately. Teenagers don't seem to realise that school jumpers are removable, only that hot weather is to be complained about.

Hot tip for visiting popular shopping malls on bank holiday weekends:-

Go during the first England game of the World Cup. Absolutely empty. Of course, the sales staff aren't especially interested in serving you, but at least that means they don't try to foist extra warrantees off onto you.

Right, Welcome to my new computer, and a welcome for myself to the world of Apple.

Yes - I have been proselytised to the world of iMac. Which despite the word is not a brand of hair remover - it smells a good deal nicer.

It's not one of the brand spanking new anglepoise iMacs - they are very beautiful, but a little too expensive for my insurance vouchers plus bank account. Still - it is rather gorgeous and clever, although now that I've got the whole shebang sitting on my desk, I have just realised that I have nothing to put my feet up on. Ah well - guess I'll get used to that.

I have burned my first CD on this thing as well (burning is apparently not as spectacular as it sounds - no actual flames) - all remarkably easy, and the resulting "String Things" CD plays on 1 out of my 3 other CD players. So that's a success!